A seriously long blog post
Alright, before you even start reading, this is a warning to tell you that this particular blog post will be very long as I'm finally writing all those stuff I wanted to blog about before and during the study week but was not able to do so because of assignments and I needed to study for my finals (yes, I did study for my finals). They will be divided into certain parts in bold subtitles but I'm sure this is going to be a pretty long post by the time I'm done. If the same thing happens again (like what happened to my dance post earlier), I will not retype it. But I'll make sure I Ctrl + C before submitting this post. =) Well then, let's get on with the show.
Cute guys
I'm like seeing cute guys everywhere. I seriously mean it. It's either my standards have dropped (into seeing how cute a guy is) or that cute guys just spawned out of no where like mushrooms after the rain. Well, at least I have things (um.... people) to look at once in a while nowadays. And if you know me, by cute I would mean those with yummy-licous looking hair to suit their cute face as well. *drools* Wonder how Masami's search for Cyber cute guys is going about? =Avoids Masami's jealousy glares= *evil laugh*
StreamyX
My line has officially been upgraded to a 1MB line instead of slow old 512kb line. Nyeahahaha.... and the upgrade was super fast this time. They promised to get all lines upgraded by Nov 1 (but now it's changed to by the end of this year) but my line was upgraded about 2 or 3 weeks before that. Woohoo I'd say. XD All the more stuffs to download. Slack part is that my HDD seems to be always full. T_T I can't burn as fast as I download. LOL.
Sick
I fell sick during the weekend in between Raya and Deepavali so it was a rather pathetic weekend for me. T_T I was planning to do so many things then but I HAD to fall sick and it lasted for the whole weekend. *sniff* Only thing I did was sleep, sleep and.... sleep. GAH!!!
Friends
I was to write about something regarding "hope friends don't forget me" but I have seriously no idea whatsoever now what I wanted to convey the time I wrote that. If I were to make a guess, it would be those faraway friends who I've not seen for so long. I do know they have their own set of friends there but I'm hoping when they come back here, they will still remember all those wonderful memories we shared and will always keep in touch. Glad to know that in about 2 to 3 years time (hopefully), most of my friends will be back from overseas studies. Well, by then we'll all be working also so perhaps we'll not meet each other so often but the chances of meeting is way better than them being so far, and me being here. End of this year many will return but my classes will start. Bleh. Only times we meet is during Chinese New Year. Hope 2005 will be the same. Gathering and all.
PC
Yay I got a new PC. XD Specs...well, don't really need to know that since it's not THAT much to shout about. But I'm just happy cos my PC is super fast, virus free (for now - touch wood), having graphics a hell lot better than my old one, and I got an 80GB HDD (which I thought was enough but I am regretting now....sigh..). Wanna give a huge shout-out for Jin (although he will not check my blog) to say THANK YOU so much for your help and seriously very very sorry for all the trouble I caused. Hehehe...you see, I was very picky with my PC so he got a little bit of a headache helping me get it. Heh heh... gomen nasai. m(_ _)m Anyhow, first day I got my PC, I did not touch it. Nooooo.... someone had to be a pain in the @$$ and hurriedly installed Deus Ex 2 to play. And it's my PC. Only after about a week, I managed to fully spend time with my PC. It sucks huh? I'm the one paying RM3000+ for it and I was not the one to touch it first. Sheesh.
Boyfriend
Why does everyone always think I got a boyfriend? It's weird if you ask me. I mean, I for one do not think I look like someone who has a boyfriend. Nor do I look like one who can easily get one. Oh, and I'm not one who you'll see a guy with obviously cos I seriously stink in this part of life. LOL. And here I have a friend who said "I know you got a boyfriend" and when I said no, he replied "But you got before, right?" I don't know I was supposed to feel flattered or to feel like a whore. +_+ Well, maybe not a whore.... a slutty bitch? Nah... ummm... playgirl! Ok we'll use this word. This is not the first time someone popped that question and it certainly was not the first time people did not believe me when I said I was still single. I mean.... do I look that bad or that desperate or that.... umm... I don't know. It does not really freak me out (although the post might sound as though I am freaking out) but I still find it weird. I for one cannot picture myself with any guy cos.... I don't think I am girlfriend quality just yet and I'm kinda kolot on certain parts (which guys might not like) and I'm also hoping to stay true to my principles of stuffs I can (or will) and stuffs I can't (or won't) do if I do get a boyfriend. Of course imagining stuffs like cuddling and manja-ing and all those romantic crap is a piece of cake for me. But I have no idea what will happen if it really does happen. I guess I'll leave it as that and let time decide and work from then. Heh...take things as they come. Planning too much is sometimes not good also. (Lase to self: You know, you keep saying that but you obviously think and plan too much about future events in your damn head every single time)
Shirtless guy
Ok....the title may be a little wrong. It's supposed to be shirtless uncle. Eek. Yes, on my way back from a friend's place, I was driving alone this road and there was a shirtless man in front of me. His back was facing me but I can see that he was tanned and quite nicely built. Well, I don't mean six pax or anything but yeah....quite well built. And added bonus, he was wearing black pants. Yummy. It was all cool and I did not drool or anything but once I passed him and saw his face.... +_+ Somehow at that very moment I do not want to see any shirtless person anymore. LOL. Now I do though...in my dreams. Shirtless guys with black pants and some bandages or chains around...yummy. Well, back to the point. I'm guessing he's a contruction worker since he's pretty tanned and well built but..... it was seriously not bad from neck down...but above that was a quite elderly man. Eeks to the max. LOL. He had a good body for someone who looked his age though. ^^ I guessed he was at least 35, maybe 40. Hahahaha....
Worrying
Are people built to worry for others? I thought the "jaga tepi kain orang" is not a good thing, right? I mean if you have your own troubles to worry about, please worry about yours first. I can handle the worrying for my own troubles. Though it's not always that I worry about something. If you know me, you will know I'm a super relaxed person and a happy-go-lucky one as well. It's seriously funny I think. The people who are worrying are the people who are not affected by whatever it is I'm doing. The only person I can think of being affected is myself but it's a seriously major thing which I, till now, can't understand how is it possible for someone to worry about something which they are not even a part of? I mean if my actions will affect you, you got the right to be (and should be) worried about it. This is just something I normally do, something I'm comfortable in doing, something I hardly have any problems doing..... and these people are worrying about this. Seriously weird. I got no other words to express it. It's just weird. And by them getting all worried, I started getting a little worried about it but of course I brush that off in a matter of seconds since I know it's all cool. Still, the weirdness stays. So, people.... if there is nothing for me to be worried about, please don't force yourself to be worried or think so much about my worries when you have your own worries to look into.
Working
Oh man I can't wait to start working. I seriously am dead bored and sick of studying right now that I just feel like quitting and getting a job. But I keep telling myself it's only 1 year....1 more year and you'll be working your whole life. People might call me weird or say that I'll regret it because working life is tough. But I am one who prefers practical stuffs so working would not be much of a deal to me as compared to studying. Working also means me shifting into that new life and it's a huge experience I would want to go through. Meeting new people, earning your own money from your own sweat and blood (well, not literally since I'm most likely sitting in an air-conditioned room and won't bleed), starting anew, starting fresh. It's just like rain. All the bad things are just washed away and you begin from scratch. Can't wait!!
Too lazy
I'm seriously too lazy nowadays. I'm lazy to do anything and I can't motivate myself enough to do them. I'm even lazy to eat. I've skipped so many days of lunch just cos I was too lazy to get to my food and eat. I'm lazy to study (for sure). I'm lazy to do anything actually. Even the (most of the time) fiesty me became lazy to fight back and stand for my opinions and thought nowadays. What I'll do is just agree, or nod, then leave the "fight". Why? Lazy, wasting my time, wasting my energy. I think the amount of times I actually stood up to my views nowadays would be less than half the number of times I did before. I see no point in arguing my views anymore because it's either I'm gonna win with people feeling that I'm a jerk with a stubborn attitude, or that I'm gonna get stressed out cos I'm being made to feel stupid. Seriously, 21 years with my brother implying I'm stupid all the time does not help me cope when someone makes me feel stupid. I will still dislike it and will always do. It's just who I am. Call me stupid in the face I'm pretty ok with it most of the time (I tend to laugh it off as a joke as well cos I do agree with some stupid things I did). But implying I'm stupid with facts which are sometimes not even true (or that I think aren't true) is something I cannot tolerate no matter how hard I try. And you bet your ass that I do not forget any of those remarks made cos it pissed me off and I will remember it for the rest of my life. I will get blasted a lot for this post (this particular sub-title) cos I do make people feel stupid sometimes but (whether you believe it or not) I usually know when I did something or said something to make someone feel stupid and hurt (cos I hated how it feels) and I'll usually try to say things to make up for it. Or at least make it sound less hurtful. Something. It doesn't always work, I know. But for me, in my heart, I tried to rectify my wrongdoings, though I do sometimes fail. Oops... I kinda went out of topic there didn't I? :p
Read & Listen
People just do not read something properly or do not read something till the end before they start giving their own opinions. I mean.... Hello???? Can you like READ??? I it THAT hard to read everything properly before doing anything or giving any replies? Same goes for listening. I do admit I sometimes cut people off when they're talking or that I make assumptions cos I tend to semi-listen sometimes. But I usually read everything properly before replying anything. And if I replied without reading, I will so state that I did not read the whole thing, or I did not read anything, etc. Don't believe me? Check the forums. I am human though. I do make mistakes in misreading sometimes but at least 90% of the times I read, it will be what is written. And also, those people who do not know the meaning of certain words, do refrain yourself from actually using them. It not only makes you look stupid, it gives the damn bloody wrong meaning when you say it to someone. I experienced this before and it seriously pissed me off and I forgot what I learnt in Business Communication (where it states when you are mad or too happy, you should not talk or do things because you will regret it) so I did some stupid things and the results were kinda disappointing as well. Serves me right since I did it. And the worst part was, I became the victim and I took the blame all because I said some things out which I should not have. And all because some people who don't understand the meaning of a certain word used it on me and I got so mad I spread my views to everyone and they looked at me in fault. Sigh.... life... just take it. And throw it into the sea. Everything is a new experience. But I was happy I did it though. At least now people know what I really mean and what I really feel during those kinda times.
Changing
Well, this is a word I kinda liked on the day I thought about it. I forgot exactly when but the phrase that was on my mind was "Don't change". This is a common phrase among friends who won't be seeing each other for a period of time. Something like after secondary, they tell you not to change. Stay the same. Yadda, yadda, crap. Well, I do not believe it one bit. What they actually mean is (by saying they, I don't mean everyone who says these words, I mean those hypocrites who say it for the sake of saying it), don't change the good stuffs you have. Change the bad stuffs you have and make it better so the next time I see you, I would not hate you that much. Well, it's not exactly how I wanted to say but the rough idea is there. Don't change means keep the good, throw the bad. And this my dear friends does actually mean a change. I said this once to a friend and I really did mean it - "I accept the good and bad in you when I accepted you as a friend. I never wanted you to change who you are" Those were the words I said to a friend cos he kinda misunderstood when I asked him to change "something". I meant his handphone but he thought it was his attitude. LOL. Anyways, good and bad stuff happened but I still do accept his good and bad. We're human. We're not flawless. I do admit though that I was able to tolerate many types of flaws and bad stuff of others but influence got the best of me and I was able to tolerate only a small portion during those times. Now? I'm trying to regain my level of tolerance for another person's flaws, as I would wish for him or her to accept my flaws as I am and not trying to imply that I should change, even if it is for the better of my own self. Changing is not easy and to gain something, you'll need to sacrifice something in return. That is the law of equivalent trade. I did change from being a person who is damn good at merajuk-ing to someone who does not really merajuk anymore (Lee Na should be very clear on this part :p ) but in exchange, I became someone who easily gets irritated. It was a good thing I stopped merajuk-ing, but it would be better if I were not that easily irritated either. Right now, all I can think of is being true to myself and living the life I want. Who I want to be. Not being who others want me to be. Hope I got the strength to be true to my words...
Well, that's all folks. (Lase to self : That's all my ass. You spent 30 minutes in front of the PC typing and typing and forgot all about Lineage and about anything else and your hand is getting tired and your back is also strained and your neck is painful and your eyes are.... well, your eyes are normal since you always stare at the monitor) It feels good to let everything out on your blog. Makes me feel rather.... free. ^_^ By the way, I'm almost completed with the painting of my headpiece and I'm pretty happy about it. Yay!
Cute guys
I'm like seeing cute guys everywhere. I seriously mean it. It's either my standards have dropped (into seeing how cute a guy is) or that cute guys just spawned out of no where like mushrooms after the rain. Well, at least I have things (um.... people) to look at once in a while nowadays. And if you know me, by cute I would mean those with yummy-licous looking hair to suit their cute face as well. *drools* Wonder how Masami's search for Cyber cute guys is going about? =Avoids Masami's jealousy glares= *evil laugh*
StreamyX
My line has officially been upgraded to a 1MB line instead of slow old 512kb line. Nyeahahaha.... and the upgrade was super fast this time. They promised to get all lines upgraded by Nov 1 (but now it's changed to by the end of this year) but my line was upgraded about 2 or 3 weeks before that. Woohoo I'd say. XD All the more stuffs to download. Slack part is that my HDD seems to be always full. T_T I can't burn as fast as I download. LOL.
Sick
I fell sick during the weekend in between Raya and Deepavali so it was a rather pathetic weekend for me. T_T I was planning to do so many things then but I HAD to fall sick and it lasted for the whole weekend. *sniff* Only thing I did was sleep, sleep and.... sleep. GAH!!!
Friends
I was to write about something regarding "hope friends don't forget me" but I have seriously no idea whatsoever now what I wanted to convey the time I wrote that. If I were to make a guess, it would be those faraway friends who I've not seen for so long. I do know they have their own set of friends there but I'm hoping when they come back here, they will still remember all those wonderful memories we shared and will always keep in touch. Glad to know that in about 2 to 3 years time (hopefully), most of my friends will be back from overseas studies. Well, by then we'll all be working also so perhaps we'll not meet each other so often but the chances of meeting is way better than them being so far, and me being here. End of this year many will return but my classes will start. Bleh. Only times we meet is during Chinese New Year. Hope 2005 will be the same. Gathering and all.
PC
Yay I got a new PC. XD Specs...well, don't really need to know that since it's not THAT much to shout about. But I'm just happy cos my PC is super fast, virus free (for now - touch wood), having graphics a hell lot better than my old one, and I got an 80GB HDD (which I thought was enough but I am regretting now....sigh..). Wanna give a huge shout-out for Jin (although he will not check my blog) to say THANK YOU so much for your help and seriously very very sorry for all the trouble I caused. Hehehe...you see, I was very picky with my PC so he got a little bit of a headache helping me get it. Heh heh... gomen nasai. m(_ _)m Anyhow, first day I got my PC, I did not touch it. Nooooo.... someone had to be a pain in the @$$ and hurriedly installed Deus Ex 2 to play. And it's my PC. Only after about a week, I managed to fully spend time with my PC. It sucks huh? I'm the one paying RM3000+ for it and I was not the one to touch it first. Sheesh.
Boyfriend
Why does everyone always think I got a boyfriend? It's weird if you ask me. I mean, I for one do not think I look like someone who has a boyfriend. Nor do I look like one who can easily get one. Oh, and I'm not one who you'll see a guy with obviously cos I seriously stink in this part of life. LOL. And here I have a friend who said "I know you got a boyfriend" and when I said no, he replied "But you got before, right?" I don't know I was supposed to feel flattered or to feel like a whore. +_+ Well, maybe not a whore.... a slutty bitch? Nah... ummm... playgirl! Ok we'll use this word. This is not the first time someone popped that question and it certainly was not the first time people did not believe me when I said I was still single. I mean.... do I look that bad or that desperate or that.... umm... I don't know. It does not really freak me out (although the post might sound as though I am freaking out) but I still find it weird. I for one cannot picture myself with any guy cos.... I don't think I am girlfriend quality just yet and I'm kinda kolot on certain parts (which guys might not like) and I'm also hoping to stay true to my principles of stuffs I can (or will) and stuffs I can't (or won't) do if I do get a boyfriend. Of course imagining stuffs like cuddling and manja-ing and all those romantic crap is a piece of cake for me. But I have no idea what will happen if it really does happen. I guess I'll leave it as that and let time decide and work from then. Heh...take things as they come. Planning too much is sometimes not good also. (Lase to self: You know, you keep saying that but you obviously think and plan too much about future events in your damn head every single time)
Shirtless guy
Ok....the title may be a little wrong. It's supposed to be shirtless uncle. Eek. Yes, on my way back from a friend's place, I was driving alone this road and there was a shirtless man in front of me. His back was facing me but I can see that he was tanned and quite nicely built. Well, I don't mean six pax or anything but yeah....quite well built. And added bonus, he was wearing black pants. Yummy. It was all cool and I did not drool or anything but once I passed him and saw his face.... +_+ Somehow at that very moment I do not want to see any shirtless person anymore. LOL. Now I do though...in my dreams. Shirtless guys with black pants and some bandages or chains around...yummy. Well, back to the point. I'm guessing he's a contruction worker since he's pretty tanned and well built but..... it was seriously not bad from neck down...but above that was a quite elderly man. Eeks to the max. LOL. He had a good body for someone who looked his age though. ^^ I guessed he was at least 35, maybe 40. Hahahaha....
Worrying
Are people built to worry for others? I thought the "jaga tepi kain orang" is not a good thing, right? I mean if you have your own troubles to worry about, please worry about yours first. I can handle the worrying for my own troubles. Though it's not always that I worry about something. If you know me, you will know I'm a super relaxed person and a happy-go-lucky one as well. It's seriously funny I think. The people who are worrying are the people who are not affected by whatever it is I'm doing. The only person I can think of being affected is myself but it's a seriously major thing which I, till now, can't understand how is it possible for someone to worry about something which they are not even a part of? I mean if my actions will affect you, you got the right to be (and should be) worried about it. This is just something I normally do, something I'm comfortable in doing, something I hardly have any problems doing..... and these people are worrying about this. Seriously weird. I got no other words to express it. It's just weird. And by them getting all worried, I started getting a little worried about it but of course I brush that off in a matter of seconds since I know it's all cool. Still, the weirdness stays. So, people.... if there is nothing for me to be worried about, please don't force yourself to be worried or think so much about my worries when you have your own worries to look into.
Working
Oh man I can't wait to start working. I seriously am dead bored and sick of studying right now that I just feel like quitting and getting a job. But I keep telling myself it's only 1 year....1 more year and you'll be working your whole life. People might call me weird or say that I'll regret it because working life is tough. But I am one who prefers practical stuffs so working would not be much of a deal to me as compared to studying. Working also means me shifting into that new life and it's a huge experience I would want to go through. Meeting new people, earning your own money from your own sweat and blood (well, not literally since I'm most likely sitting in an air-conditioned room and won't bleed), starting anew, starting fresh. It's just like rain. All the bad things are just washed away and you begin from scratch. Can't wait!!
Too lazy
I'm seriously too lazy nowadays. I'm lazy to do anything and I can't motivate myself enough to do them. I'm even lazy to eat. I've skipped so many days of lunch just cos I was too lazy to get to my food and eat. I'm lazy to study (for sure). I'm lazy to do anything actually. Even the (most of the time) fiesty me became lazy to fight back and stand for my opinions and thought nowadays. What I'll do is just agree, or nod, then leave the "fight". Why? Lazy, wasting my time, wasting my energy. I think the amount of times I actually stood up to my views nowadays would be less than half the number of times I did before. I see no point in arguing my views anymore because it's either I'm gonna win with people feeling that I'm a jerk with a stubborn attitude, or that I'm gonna get stressed out cos I'm being made to feel stupid. Seriously, 21 years with my brother implying I'm stupid all the time does not help me cope when someone makes me feel stupid. I will still dislike it and will always do. It's just who I am. Call me stupid in the face I'm pretty ok with it most of the time (I tend to laugh it off as a joke as well cos I do agree with some stupid things I did). But implying I'm stupid with facts which are sometimes not even true (or that I think aren't true) is something I cannot tolerate no matter how hard I try. And you bet your ass that I do not forget any of those remarks made cos it pissed me off and I will remember it for the rest of my life. I will get blasted a lot for this post (this particular sub-title) cos I do make people feel stupid sometimes but (whether you believe it or not) I usually know when I did something or said something to make someone feel stupid and hurt (cos I hated how it feels) and I'll usually try to say things to make up for it. Or at least make it sound less hurtful. Something. It doesn't always work, I know. But for me, in my heart, I tried to rectify my wrongdoings, though I do sometimes fail. Oops... I kinda went out of topic there didn't I? :p
Read & Listen
People just do not read something properly or do not read something till the end before they start giving their own opinions. I mean.... Hello???? Can you like READ??? I it THAT hard to read everything properly before doing anything or giving any replies? Same goes for listening. I do admit I sometimes cut people off when they're talking or that I make assumptions cos I tend to semi-listen sometimes. But I usually read everything properly before replying anything. And if I replied without reading, I will so state that I did not read the whole thing, or I did not read anything, etc. Don't believe me? Check the forums. I am human though. I do make mistakes in misreading sometimes but at least 90% of the times I read, it will be what is written. And also, those people who do not know the meaning of certain words, do refrain yourself from actually using them. It not only makes you look stupid, it gives the damn bloody wrong meaning when you say it to someone. I experienced this before and it seriously pissed me off and I forgot what I learnt in Business Communication (where it states when you are mad or too happy, you should not talk or do things because you will regret it) so I did some stupid things and the results were kinda disappointing as well. Serves me right since I did it. And the worst part was, I became the victim and I took the blame all because I said some things out which I should not have. And all because some people who don't understand the meaning of a certain word used it on me and I got so mad I spread my views to everyone and they looked at me in fault. Sigh.... life... just take it. And throw it into the sea. Everything is a new experience. But I was happy I did it though. At least now people know what I really mean and what I really feel during those kinda times.
Changing
Well, this is a word I kinda liked on the day I thought about it. I forgot exactly when but the phrase that was on my mind was "Don't change". This is a common phrase among friends who won't be seeing each other for a period of time. Something like after secondary, they tell you not to change. Stay the same. Yadda, yadda, crap. Well, I do not believe it one bit. What they actually mean is (by saying they, I don't mean everyone who says these words, I mean those hypocrites who say it for the sake of saying it), don't change the good stuffs you have. Change the bad stuffs you have and make it better so the next time I see you, I would not hate you that much. Well, it's not exactly how I wanted to say but the rough idea is there. Don't change means keep the good, throw the bad. And this my dear friends does actually mean a change. I said this once to a friend and I really did mean it - "I accept the good and bad in you when I accepted you as a friend. I never wanted you to change who you are" Those were the words I said to a friend cos he kinda misunderstood when I asked him to change "something". I meant his handphone but he thought it was his attitude. LOL. Anyways, good and bad stuff happened but I still do accept his good and bad. We're human. We're not flawless. I do admit though that I was able to tolerate many types of flaws and bad stuff of others but influence got the best of me and I was able to tolerate only a small portion during those times. Now? I'm trying to regain my level of tolerance for another person's flaws, as I would wish for him or her to accept my flaws as I am and not trying to imply that I should change, even if it is for the better of my own self. Changing is not easy and to gain something, you'll need to sacrifice something in return. That is the law of equivalent trade. I did change from being a person who is damn good at merajuk-ing to someone who does not really merajuk anymore (Lee Na should be very clear on this part :p ) but in exchange, I became someone who easily gets irritated. It was a good thing I stopped merajuk-ing, but it would be better if I were not that easily irritated either. Right now, all I can think of is being true to myself and living the life I want. Who I want to be. Not being who others want me to be. Hope I got the strength to be true to my words...
Well, that's all folks. (Lase to self : That's all my ass. You spent 30 minutes in front of the PC typing and typing and forgot all about Lineage and about anything else and your hand is getting tired and your back is also strained and your neck is painful and your eyes are.... well, your eyes are normal since you always stare at the monitor) It feels good to let everything out on your blog. Makes me feel rather.... free. ^_^ By the way, I'm almost completed with the painting of my headpiece and I'm pretty happy about it. Yay!
posted by Lase at
3:26 pm
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