Trapped

I feel that nowadays, before I do anything or say anything, I have to really really think about what I say and also the consequences because acting my normal self would really make people uneasy. People tend to look at me differently if I were to say stuffs to people I'm close to in a less polite manner. I feel very trapped and very....uneasy with things they are now. I don't feel like I'm living my life. I feel like I'm stuck in another person's body actually. And I got influenced by certain people and I find myself getting more and more irritating every minute. And there are so many complains coming into me also which made me wish for time to just stop for a day..... and allow me to recollect myself in those 24 hours. Tension.....

And I told myself this morning that I will not go out as much anymore and stay home more often instead. I just feel so restless and lazy and in no mood to go out sometimes. I know I'll have fun if I go out but a part of me wanted to stay home. Decisions, decisions. Aih.... And my plan to head to the library every day has not commenced yet. Hope to start going next week but... I somehow think I can't. Uuuggguuuuuuuu......

And reading Masami's latest post was really cool. To hell with those people who read your blog, dear. Just say what you think is right. ^_^ Sometimes I envy her for being able to speak up anytime she wants and stands her ground. What can I say? I'm a weakling....nyehahaa...and she's bondage queen. :D