I don't know

/Is confused


I'm so totally confused right now. Confused about a lot of things. Confused on my feelings. Confused about my dedication towards the event in 3rd trimester. Confused on where my commitment lies.

I can feel something one day, and nothing the other day. I can feel connected one minute, and so distant the other minute. What do I actually want? What do I want to feel? How do I deal with this? Can I live with it if I don't go for it? Can I live with myself if I do go for it and it fails? I just don't know. I don't know. One half is eager, the other half is scared. One half is saying "finally", another is saying "no way".

As for the event.... I'm not feeling connected to it anymore. The thought of not being committed to it arose. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because it is now a 2 day event. Maybe it's because the cosplay is at night. It can be because I suddenly feel such a huge pressure. I don't know... the thought of pulling out just came about. And I'm seriously considering right now.

I just....

don't know.


"....."